literature

The Asexual Hypothesis pt 3

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------------------------CHAPTER 7-----------------------------------

    By the time the third date rolled around Sheldon had become well studied in all things romance. Penny had rented a plethora of movies and forced him to study the facial expressions, what they meant, and to reenact them. She secretly hoped that finally, he would be able to understand how to communicate like a normal human being. No longer would she have to shout her dismay slowly, in his face, before he realized he was asking too many personal questions for her liking. Her plan was a good plan, her plan was full proof, her plan was perfectly logical. Her plan failed.

    Sheldon could indeed recreate the scenes from the films, and read certain facial cues more so than he used to, but it never came naturally to him in regular conversation. He had to study the faces around him hard to decipher what was being displayed. A lifted eyebrow could mean so many things; it was all still just too complicated to think through. Penny supposed it was something people just had to feel their way through to understand, and Sheldon simply couldn’t get feelings in or out of his thick head due to all the science that was taking up space in there.

    The afternoon before Sheldon’s third and final date, Penny snuck into Sheldon’s bedroom.

    “Penny!” Sheldon couldn’t believe his eyes, “You’re not allowed in my room, no one is supposed to be in my room, why are you in my room Penny you know you’re not supposed to-”

    “Okay OKAY shush!” Penny wished she could stuff a pair of his perfectly folded, electronically labeled, argyle socks down his huge gullet. She slunk over and sat by him on the bed quietly. He neatly stacked the papers he had been looking through and sat them on the night stand in an exaggerated display of his dismay.

    “Look I just wanted to give you a sort of pop quiz for tonight, but I don’t want the guys to know I’m alone with you talking about this sort of stuff…”

    Sheldon didn’t follow.

    “But they know you’ve been coaching me…” He blinked.

    “Yeah… but I had something in mind for your pop quiz and I don’t want them starring at me while we do it.” Penny caught on to the fact that that sentence could be taken the wrong way, but Sheldon did not. “Practice your date talk, I mean.” Sheldon nodded, doing his best to deal with the fact that Penny once again disobeyed his strict rules regarding his bedroom. “Howard is using my apartment to cook again, because he thinks he FINALLY has something edible he can make, so the guys are all over there. I thought I could take the time to help you out for a second, but if we do this in the living room I‘m scared they‘ll walk in.” She straightened herself up and smoothed out her skirt.

    “What did you have in mind?” Quietly in the back of Sheldon’s mind, something obsessed on the brink of insanity that they should go to any room but his. His face twitched a little.

    “I want you to pretend I’m your date, and practice on me. That way, I can tell you if you’re doing anything… you know…”

    Sheldon didn’t follow.

    “Crazy.” She finished. She was worried he’d be offended, but to her relief he agreed that it was a good plan.

    Sheldon pretended to introduce himself. Sat and listened to Penny pretend to be a scientist, which really didn’t go over well, and then pretended to order food. Penny threw him some curve balls.

    “I just LOVE cats. Do you?” She smiled largely. Sheldon just starred back, not sure if he should be annoyed or stay in character.

    “Well aesthetically, I’ve no problem with cats. However I’m terribly allergic, so… no.” He paused a moment and then remembered he should be smiling politely. Penny had forced him to train in the mirror, as his usual forced smile looked like a psychopathic killer on holiday. He got it right this time, so perfectly Penny got a chill. She returned the smile.

    “Well, that’s unfortunate. You know last week I had to go on a trip and they forced me to take the train! Can you believe it?” Sheldon’s smile dropped; If Penny insulted trains, that would be punching below the belt. “The nerve of some people. They’re twice as expensive as taking a plane you know. And twice as long to get to where you’re going.” She watched as Sheldon’s face twitched out of control for a moment. He gathered himself, remembering his training. He turned to face her and leaned, relaxed with his back against his head board.

    “Well there I have to respectfully disagree.” He said it so casually, so perfectly, like he was human. “I happen to LOVE trains. I find that the enjoyable and SAFE experience is well worth the added time and monetary expense.” He kept his casual, kind smile on, and Penny almost felt scared.

    “Sheldon.”

    “Yes Penny?”

    “That was amazing…”

    He perked at the complement.

    “I passed the pop quiz?”

    “Yes! You did!” She was happy from the inside out. “You did great! You are going to knock this girl’s socks off!” He smiled, pleased to finally be making progress. Penny hugged him tightly. “You are going to knock girls dead, Sheldon! Who knew you had such a cute smile hiding behind that psycho killer one you’ve been forcing on your face?” He wasn’t sure if he was more dismayed that she was hugging him or that his smile had been judged so. She gave him a rough kiss on the cheek, and he felt himself flush. Penny’s smile faded a little as she studied him. Had she noticed? Suddenly Sheldon felt a pain in his chest. He couldn’t deny anymore that this heart condition was hormone induced. He stood up stiffly.

    “Thank you, now please get out of my room. No one is supposed to be in my room, you know that Penny.” He gestured at the door and shifted his feet nervously. He was still bad at hiding his feelings after all. Penny stood slowly.

    “Okay, yeah. Well, you get ready for your date, and come see us before you take off okay?” She wasn’t sure what she thought she saw was what she saw, but she didn’t need to be in his room anymore so there was no point in fighting him for it.

    “Okay I will.”

    Penny shut the door and left as quietly as she had came in. Sheldon stood very still. Not sure how to proceed.

++

    Dinner and a movie simultaneously. It doesn’t get much more efficient for a date than that. The Studio Movie Grill was a perfect choice in Sheldon’s eyes; he wondered why he hadn’t thought of it sooner. He and his date, Sherry, arrived early to pick seats and converse before the movie.

    “You like Sci Fi?” She inquired. Sheldon grew a little nervous. He had been led to believe a good woman didn’t like such things. But he didn’t want to give a false statement.

    “Yes, actually…” He tried to hold his tongue and wait, as Penny had taught him, for the signs that his date approved or disapproved. He studied her face hard.

    “I love Sci Fi!”

    “…Fascinating.”

    They conversed on their wide range of movie tastes from Buck Rogers to The Chronicles of Riddick. Sheldon focused on his facial expressions, trying to put out as much calm, positive feed back as he could. He even let Sherry talk his ear off about movies and studies he had no interest in. It was an important part of Penny’s second rule of dating: We listen first, and THEN tell about ourselves. We laugh lightly, not too much, and not, not at all, when our date makes a joke.

    “Oh Lord, even in my head she’s still barley literate...” Sheldon mumbled aloud without realizing it.

    “I’m sorry?” Sherry strained to hear him.

    “Oh, I’m sorry, I was distracted thinking about something someone said to me earlier.” Sheldon wasn’t sure if he should try to explain, or if he even could without making a mistake of some kind so he stuck to the rubric. “Please, order what you like.” He gestured to the menu. “It’s on me, if that’s okay.” In these modern times you never know if your date is going to be offended or pleased with your willingness to pick up the check.

    “Oh, well I suppose.. Water is fine.” Penny had taught Sheldon that this could mean one of three things.

    1) Sherry is willing for you to pay, but is self conscious about costing you money, so she opts for the cheaper items on the menu.
    2) Sherry is willing for you to pay, but is feigning modesty to see if it’s okay with you to spend more of your money.
    3) Sherry really would just enjoy some water.

    “Are you sure?” Sheldon had his response card hidden from her sight under the table. “You may order anything you like, it’s okay.” He slapped on his friendly smile, and watched as it caused her to smile back warmly.

    “No, I’m good thank you.” She didn’t stop smiling the rest of the night.


    The movie ended and Sheldon and Sherry shared a cab home. Sheldon tried to keep up the conversation, another sign of a good date.
    “If you could make your own children’s animated series based off of the Star Wars universe, what time period would you choose, and who would be your main protagonist?”

    “Oh man, that’s a hard choice!” Sherry’s eyes wondered as she pulled together the possibilities. Though Sheldon enjoyed the topic very much, and was enjoying the fact that his date had something in common with him that kept his interest, he felt something somewhere was going wrong. “I know it might not be the best choice, but I love the “New Jedi Order”. I would love to see Luke on screen again, and see what his kids are like…” Sheldon nodded, not really paying much attention. What was it? He wondered. Here he was with a perfectly nice woman, not bad looking, intelligent, shared common interests, so what could be missing?  When she noticed he was lost in thought, he put on his casual smile again. Sherry leaned over and spoke softly in his ear.

    “I had a wonderful time with you tonight, Dr. Cooper.” She gave him a small peck on the lips. He was taken by surprise. “You’re such a well spoken man. And you have such a sweet smile.” She kissed him again and he felt something was wrong. His heart sank. “Please call me okay? I’d love to go out with you again.” She climbed out of the cab and waved as she waltzed up to her apartment, smiling all the way.

    Sheldon sat in quiet anguish the whole drive home. He felt over come with guilt, as if he had lied. But it was true, he did love all of those movies, and the science, and they did really get along. Quite the conundrum.


------------------------CHAPTER 8-----------------------------------

    In spite of the late hour, Sheldon found everyone still over at Penny’s house upon his return. He could hear them scrambling around from the hallway.

    “No Leonard! Bring me the mop!” He heard Wolowitz shouting.

    “This isn’t a mop it’s a broom!” Leonard called back.

    “I use it for a mop anyways!” Penny, unmistakably Penny.

    *Knock Knock Knock*
    “Penny!”
    *Knock Knock Knock*
    “Penny!”
    *Knock Knock Knock*
    “Penny!”

    She opened the door with her face covered in some sort of gelatinous tan colored goo. Sheldon leaned away as if the sight of it was contagious.

    “…I can see Wolowitz has finally perfected a simple dish.” Sheldon stated flatly. As tired and annoyed as she was, the corners of Penny’s mouth lifted.

    “Sarcasm?”

    “Sarcasm.”

    She laughed.

    “May I come in for a moment?”

    “Sure why not, everyone else just lives here now anyway.” She opened the door wide for him, and revealed the sad state of her apartment.

    “What did you do?” Sheldon questioned Wolowitz who was covered in an unidentifiable assortment of food bits. Howard braced himself against the bar a good long moment before answering. He hated having to answer to Sheldon.   

    “Well, first, I left the lid to the blender off, just lightly enough that it sprayed the entire kitchen. Then I had a gay old time sliding around in it while carrying my apple pie. Long story short, I’m giving up on cooking.” He symbolically threw the small cup towel from off his shoulder onto the bar.

    “Well good, because your sense of timing is terrible.” Howard looked at Sheldon blankly. “Your eggs and bacon were cold by the time your hash browns were finished. I didn’t think a four course breakfast would be just like a normal breakfast but with each food item presented slowly one at a time.” Raj laughed out loud and then quickly covered his mouth and looked up shyly at Penny. She giggled. “Subsequently, I’m quitting too.” Sheldon tried to take his usual perch on the green chair, but was met with a stuffed giraffe. He picked it up and eyed it suspiciously.

    “What do you mean? You’re giving up on dating?” Leonard dropped his broom-mop and sat on the couch. Penny scurried over to where Sheldon was standing.

    “So your date went badly?” She wished she’d asked sooner, or taken him to the hallway where it was more private.

    “No.” He shook his head. “Sherry was a perfectly suitable mate, but I’ve decided I don’t want a perfectly suitable mate.” Penny was confused again. It was a feeling she never got used to but always seemed to pop up when Sheldon was around.

    “Why??” She seemed annoyed.

    “I do a very good job at impersonating a good date now, thanks to you Penny. But I am not that person. That person is a lie.” Penny suddenly felt very guilty.

    “You’re right… next time you should just be yourself. There’s got to be someone out there for you.” Penny had a sinking feeling he was going to give up on it for good.

    Sheldon watched her face. She was still hard for him to read. Leonard tried to give condolences, and Howard tried to tease him over being a failure, robot, whatever, Sheldon wasn’t listening. He just kept watching Penny until she started to feel his eyes on her.

    “You’re wearing a very nice purse this evening Penny.”

    Penny couldn’t have looked more like a deer caught in the headlights if she tried.

    “Come again?”

    “I said you’re wearing a very nice purse this evening. It matches your outfit, and it’s name brand… of course it would be more valuable if Howard hadn’t spilled pie on it.” She checked her hand bag quickly, but something clicked in her head and caused her to look up.

    “You’re not…”

    “Would you like to go to dinner with me this Friday?”

    Leonard felt like he was about to have a mild stroke. Howard’s jaw dropped a whole three inches, and Raj fell backwards off the bar stool and made a loud “smack” on the ground.

    “Ow.”

    “ME?” Penny made no attempt to hide her shock. “You wanna date ME?”

    “HER? You wanna date HER?” Was all Leonard could manage. His jealousy rearing it’s ugly head.

    “Yes I know.” Sheldon looked sympathetic to their surprise. “You’re dumber than dirt, you’ve dated my room mate,” He made a nonchalant gesture toward Leonard. “and you keep touching my stuff and going in my room, but no other woman would even spend and evening with me, not the real me.”

    “Gee I wonder why.” She was still insulted by his tactlessness, even though being picked for a date was flattering. “Ok look, you were just trying too hard to find the perfect woman, those don’t exist. Your first date rubbed you the wrong way because she picked a bugger and didn’t talk about your most favorite things. You have to accept people with their flaws, and love them for who they are.”

    Leonard nodded, “Yes, she’s right, you should try again. Try again, Sheldon!” He sounded desperate.

    “She picked a bugger?” Howard was disgusted.

    “I accept you with your flaws.” Sheldon continued to shock and awe the room. “In fact you’re my friend, and we have nothing in common, I.E. You being dumber than dirt, and I don’t dance, and you mess with my stuff, but I haven’t banished you.” He had to be honest. “…lately.”

    Penny was speechless for a moment. How could someone so rational as Sheldon decide on such a thing? Never the less she started to warm up to the idea. Even the rude, thickheaded way he had attempted to ask her out was kind of cute in a childish way. She met his intense, blue eyed stare.

    “Sheldon, the point of this exercise was to find a woman that you’re actually attracted to, to prove us all wrong about you remember?” She tested him.

    Sheldon looked down at his shoes quietly. Leonard started to realize how serious he was about all of this. He felt a bit guilty for wanting to deny him that. Guilty, but no less hurt over the whole thing.

    “You should find someone you can fall in love with and spend your lives together and actually be happy. That’s what I want for you. I want you to be able to feel warm in your heart when she’s around, and light up when you talk to her. I want you to know what that’s like, sweetie. If you don‘t have feelings for me, you shouldn‘t ask me.” Penny was giving herself away. Suddenly the whole room realized how much they secretly had cared for each other. The whole room except possibly Sheldon; they waited to see.

    Sheldon blushed such a bright shade of red that even he couldn‘t brush it off as anything but genuine. Now it was certain to everyone, he felt that way for Penny. He continued to stare awkwardly at his shoes, fidgeting like a child who has been told to stand in time out. He didn’t know how to admit something like that, or what to do afterward if he did. He turned his attention to the little stuffed giraffe in his hand that had been sitting in his seat. He noticed it had a little collar with a name tag on it. Hand written in pen it said, “Shelly”. Penny felt herself turn red too.

    “He reminded me of you. Tall, and skinny, and cute.” Sheldon felt those pesky tingles again, he couldn‘t keep track of them this time. “I thought he could keep people out of your chair until you were ready to sit in it again.”

    “Penny?”

    “Yes?”

    “Would you like to go to dinner with me this Friday?” It was his way of admitting, yes, I do have those feelings for you. Penny smiled.

    “Just the two of us?”

    Leonard’s face shown his hopeless desperation. What could he do but watch?

    “Yes, please.” He said it so quietly, Penny felt her whole body over whelmed with adoration. How sweet was that? She couldn’t stop smiling.

    “How could I say no to that?”

    “DAMN.” Howard just got schooled in picking up chicks. “The bashful approach… Why didn’t I think of it…”

    “I’d love to sweetie.” Penny pulled Sheldon over by the back of his neck. He was too tall; it was the only way she could plant a kiss on his cheek. Sheldon didn’t lift his eyes to meet her’s once. Raj peeled himself off the floor, groggy and disoriented.

    “Dude! I had the most messed up dream, Penny and Sheldon were-” He realized where he was and most importantly, that Penny was starring right at him. “Eep.” His voice went out like a light.

    “So did I.” Howard said sadly.

    “And I was there… and you were there…” Leonard added in allusion to The Wizard of Oz, though his heart wasn’t really into the humor of it all. Penny sensing all the uncomfortable energy in the room decided it was time to usher everyone out, mess or no mess.

    “Okay, I’ll see you guys tomorrow, it’s late…”

    “Yeah, we’ll head out now.” Leonard sounded almost annoyed as he headed out the door. Penny didn’t appreciate his tone, but decided to give him some time to deal with everything. “Goodnight Penny.”

    “It’s been… well, something else.” Howard said dryly as he collected what remained of his ingredients and went out the door. Raj gave his usual silent, but enthusiastic thumbs up as he passed by. Sheldon had been swimming in some sort of hormonal cocktail that left him a bit befuddled.

    “Good night” was all he could manage to say at first as he stepped inelegantly out the door backward. Penny gave him a warm smile that was not helping his situation.

    “Good night sweetie. I‘m looking forward to this Friday.”

    Sheldon felt compelled to say something more than that. In a rush before her door was fully closed he blurted, “Okay, peace out!” His response was of course, ridiculous, but he didn’t realize it. He backed slowly across the hall and then walked into his living room, lost in thought with a smile on his face. Until he looked up at the three dark, puzzled faces waiting to question him.

    “Well!” He said, in his most friendly tone. “Imagine that!"
This is a fan fiction for "The Big Bang Theory" sitcom which airs Monday nights on CBS.
Sheldon X Penny ship!

Rating: PG
Chapters:7&8 /8
Words: Roughly 3592

Summary: Sheldon feels insulted at the idea that he might have Asperger's Syndrome, or at the very least, be dysfunctional emotionally. So he takes up the challenge of trying to find a woman he's attracted to; he's gonna need alot of help from Penny.

Disclaimers: I do not own the characters or the series. I did write this. I DO NOT OWN THE PREVIEW IMAGE.

THAT'S WHERE IT ENDS? D:
Must get started on the rest...


Part 1 [link]
Part 2 [link]
Part 3 [link]
Part 4 [link]
Part 5 [link]
Part 6 [link]
Part 7 [link]
Part 8 [link]
Part 9 [link]
Part 10 [link]
Part 11 [link]

:iconsheldon-penny::iconiloveyouplz:
© 2009 - 2024 Takineko
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